Saturday, 8 November 2014

How Not To Sell on Ebid

Written by an eBid seller (username Cheaver)

"1. Don't fill in your All About Me page..... Tell prospective Buyers absolutely nothing about yourself. Don't let them think you are a human being who cares and is trying to help them as best you can. You're just a faceless "thing" - Buyers love that.

2. Do list your items as RUS - Run Until Sold items stay at the bottom of the viewings lists.... brilliant, you can have your goodies all to yourself ~ FOREVER!

3. Don't open a Store - your items will enjoy floating about the eBid ether with thousands of other similar items.

4. Don't bother to change listing titles in any way thus making sure you have lots of duplicates - guaranteed to get them deleted. See 2 ~ and remember FOREVER.

5. Don't advertise your items in the Plug Forum AT ALL.... after all, all Forum members are Sellers and Sellers don't BUY do they? Anyway, Buyers don't read the Forums do they?

6. Have loads of references to eBay in your listings, with live links, and contact details - then eBid will remove them all and your descriptions will read like gobble-de-gook..... nice one!

7. Don't go to any trouble to properly describe your item - don't even bother to put what it is in your title.... Buyers will love trying to fathom it all out.

8. Ignore the HELP Button (top right) and don't read up any FAQ's or see any How To video's - or ask Forum members for advice (and then take it) - just assume every online auction site works the same as everywhere else.

9. Don't waste time thinking of suitable keywords in your titles so that the search engines can bring you loads more potential customers - the search engines will be glad of less work to do. 

10. Leave the Item Specifics section in the listing form totally blank - guaranteed to make sure you won't get any Buyers from Google Shopping.

11. Don't bother putting up decent pictures of your items - out of focus will do just fine. Take really dark fuzzy pictures against a highly patterned background. This is particularly recommended if the item is itself patterned. (thanks squern). Don't bother rotating your pictures so that your item is shown upright - ALL Buyers have a 90 degree bend (to either side as appropriate) in their necks. Do remember to upload upside down pictures of your items - this will be especially appreciated by the Australian Buyers who can't see your items anyway 'cos you don't ship to Australia. That's the Oz Buyers fixed.

12. Make sure your eBid items are dearer to buy than anywhere else - even though the fees on eBid are less - guaranteed to make Buyers go elsewhere.

13. Remember to thoroughly rip potential Customers off by charging exorbitant postage fees.... enjoy your extra free time gazing at your unsold items (gained by not bothering to properly weigh & calculate proper costs).

14. Don't offer ANY of your items overseas..... Buyers only live in your Country anyway and if there are any outside of it they won't be able to see them so you're safe there.

15. Do remember to set a ridiculously high Reserve price and an equally ridiculously low bid start price on your items ~ Buyers have loads of time to waste and just love the frustration of repeatedly being told they haven't won your item.

16. While obeying 1-15, don't list lots of varied items to attract more Buyers - list just ONE expensive item for a week or so and then get upset when it doesn't sell. (thanks, Madelaine)

17. Do remember to set your auction run time for at least a month or more ~ it's a well known fact that Buyers don't want items NOW or in the near future.

18. Don't worry about categories - stick all your stuff anywhere you feel like. (thanks, Madelaine). For example, Buyers will obviously look for Egg Cups in an Electronics category and, of course, eBid will delete listings wrongly categorised anyway so, either way, you get to keep your Egg Cups (or whatever) FOREVER.

19. Prospective buyers actually only want to see a Camera Icon instead of a Gallery picture when they are browsing. So what ever you do, do NOT waste your time and money supplying a thumb nail picture. (thanks, MPS16)

20. Only check your listings and e-mails once a month - Buyers are quite happy to wait that long while you send an invoice and ignore your eBid e-mails. (thanks squern)

21. Don't reply promptly to questions - make Buyers wait a few days, then either give a vague reply that doesn't answer the question, or tell them to like it or lump it. They will appreciate your professional attitude. (thanks squern).

22. If you are selling anything that can be laid flat, like clothing, stand well back when you take a photograph of it. A tiny picture of "something" disappearing into the distance is particularly welcome to Buyers. And never, under any circumstances, include anything in the picture which gives an idea of size or scale - Buyers love a surprise! (thanks squern!)

23. When it comes to problems, disputes or returns - remember, you are always right even if you're wrong.... for detailed strategies see #19. (thanks, squern.)

and so on, ad infinitum and ad nauseum..... but you get the gist?"

Friday, 19 July 2013

Ode To A Spell Checker

Ode to a Spell Checker

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see. Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.
And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
That's why eye brake in two averse
Caws Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.
--Author Unknown

Saturday, 23 February 2013

Richard Dawkins...We Are Going To Die

From the opening paragraphs of Richard Dawkins' book "Unweaving The Rainbow"

If anyone fancies reading this at my funeral....that would be brilliant!!

Why I shoot Deer...

I found this on Facebook....I don't actually shoot deer...just saying


Why we shoot deer in the wild in Saskatchawan. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that , since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away) , it should not be difficult to rope one , get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home .

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope . The cattle , having seen the roping thing before , stayed well back . They were not having any of it . After about 20 minutes , my deer showed up - 3 of them . I picked out a likely looking one , stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope .

The deer just stood there and stared at me . I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold . The deer still just stood and stared at me , but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation . I took a step towards it , it took a step away . I put a little tension on the rope , and then received an education .

The first thing that I learned is that , while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it , they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope .

That deer EXPLODED .

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound , a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt . A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity . A deer-- no Chance . That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled . There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it . As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground , it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined . The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals .

A brief 10 minutes later , it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up . It took me a few minutes to realize this , since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head . At that point , I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison . I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope .

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck , it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere . At the time , there was no love at all between me and that deer . At that moment , I hated the thing , and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual .

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground , I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in . I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death , so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand....kind of like a squeeze chute . I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back .

Did you know that deer bite ?

They do ! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody , so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist . Now, when a deer bites you , it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you , and slide off ,to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull . They bite HARD and it hurts .

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly . I tried screaming and shaking instead . My method was ineffective .

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes , but it was likely only several seconds . I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm , I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behaviour for the day .

Deer will strike at you with their front feet . They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level , and their hooves are surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal - like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily , the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal . This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape .

This was not a horse . This was a deer, so obviously , such trickery would not work . In the course of a millisecond , I devised a different strategy . I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run . The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head .

Deer may not be so different from horses after all , besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil , because the second I turned to run , it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down , it does not immediately leave . I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed . What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head .

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away .

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a sort of even the odds !!

All these events are true; so help me God... An Educated Farmer .

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Ebid Charity Auction January 24th - 28th 2013

Uploaded with

For those reading this that don't already know, Ebid members get together most months to run a mass charity  auction for a wide range of causes chosen by the members.

There is a nominated charity chosen by whoever raised the most money from one item in the previous auction...and this time it is me :)

The YDC (Your Donation Counts) auctions run from 24th -28th of every month except December which means the next one will run from 24th- 28th January 2013.

To give you a feel of what goes on during these 4 day can go to the eBid forum and read the previous announcement thread  HERE and the plugging (pimp) thread HERE

The charity I have chosen for the January event is UK SANDS the stillbirth and neonatal death charity. This charity supports anyone affected by the death of a baby and is conducting ongoing research into the causes.

To sign up to eBid either as a buyer or a seller so you can support this event you can go HERE

Do Atheists Ignore Evidence of God?

(The article below was written and posted by 'Josh' admin from Atheism411 on Facebook 13th January 2013)

Atheist Myth #82: "You atheists willfully ignore evidence of God every day! The proof is out there, and you're just choosing to ignore it!"

Hi there, Josh here, and if you'll grant me a few moments of your Sunday morning, you may be shocked at how often we hear this claim. 

"How can you ignore the ontological evidence?", says the person who somehow thinks the word and concept of god existing somehow constitutes proof.

"How can you ignore the evidence all around you?", says the men and women who pretend the jury is still in on evolution, and things like the human eye show a "spark of divinity."

If you think you have evidence of the existence of god, I have some bad news for you...

There is none. Absolutely no proof whatsoever for ANY deity, ever. That's Yahweh, Thor, Amon Ra, Isis, Esis, Ares, Athena, Ceros and more. There are literally countless thousands "G"ods claimed to exist in the course of human history, and you, dear reader - no matter what you think you believe - are an atheist to 99.99% of them, bare minimum.

Those of us who go "just one god farther" aren't ignoring any evidence to do so; We're acknowledging the total lack of evidence in favor of your god, just like every other.

If you think science "proves God," then why are scientists disproportionately heretics? Could it be that Noah's ark is physically impossible? Well it is, so that doesn't help.

Could it be that the Earth is proven to be billions of years old, not 6,000-10,000? Well, this certainly doesn't help your case...

Yeah, I'd say the very idea of young-earth creationism has turned many a young man and woman into heathens... And is in and of itself more than enough to prove that roughly 50% of America - yes, young-earth creationism is that popular here - is demonstrably incorrect.

That's right, we're getting to evolution. The FACT of evolution. The accepted by every single knowledgeable human being, irrefutable "theory" of evolution.

When speaking scientifically, "theory" doesn't just mean "thing we think, but haven't proven." Seriously, it just doesn't.

The facts are in, the jury is out, and the "theory" of evolution is no less true and provable in practice than the "theory" of gravity.

Yes, it's called the "theory" of gravity, too. If you're ready to dismiss evolution because you don't understand what that word means, prepare yourself with alternative explanations as to why we're not flung off the Earth by centrifugal force.

I'd personally be amused by any competing "theory of gravity" that includes god's thumb on your head at all times, holding you down. If you're going to go that route, though, please do specify which god; It's good to be thorough.

Look at dogs. Yes, I'm back to evolution, just shut-up and look at dogs. Any dogs, your dog, a dog on youtube, pick one, and look at it.

That animal came from wolves. We can and have proven this. In just the last 100,000 years, give or take 50,000, human beings have taken to adopting wolves as pets/servants. We've grown fond of them at a young age, fostered the kindness we've seen in certain pups by encouraging them with attention and breeding, while not breeding the ones that act like they're going to rip our faces off.

A golden retriever, or a pitbull, or a poodle, or a chihuahua. If you own one of these, or any other breed, you "own" a creature that proves definitively that evolution is not only a real thing, but it's powerful enough that human beings themselves can harness it to turn blood-thirsty predators into foot-long inbred shakingly-terrified Taco Bell spokesmen.

There is plenty of evidence that your holy books are false. There just is.

Jericho didn't have walls - or even exist when the biblical story is to have taken place, depending on what historians you check with. Adam and Eve is fiction. The sun has NEVER stopped in the sky and "waited" for anyone.

While we're on the topic of the sun, it DOES NOT rotate around the earth, and the earth is not flat with four actual corners. Heaven is not a literal place, held above earth by literal pillars....

There has never been a boat that held two (or more if they're clean) representatives of every species... There has never been a flood that killed everyone and everything not on that boat.

Your personal anecdotes don't count as evidence... because personal anecdotes aren't evidence. I don't care if you've "spoken" to god, or had god speak back; That just proves you have an active imagination. 

Next time you speak to god, ask for some verifiable proof of his existence, so people don't think you a nutter. Showing "Himself" to everyone in the world at once should be a pretty easy trick for an omnipotent being, and if he said the exact same thing to each person, guess what? That's verifiable! Start praying, get on that.

There has NEVER been a single recorded instance of a miracle. Never. Not once. God(s) has never shown itself(s) to anyone, ever, and everyone who thinks otherwise is either delusional, psychotic, or lying.

Are you offended by that? Sorry, but if you're REALLY offended by that, and take a personal exception, then you need to hear it most of all... Because people who think like you do are the ones who don't think it crazy when God tells you to kill, or mutilate genitalia, or treat entire groups of humanity as second-class citizens.

What you consider proof of god, isn't "proof" of anything, unless it fits with the terrestrial definition of "proof." Which is NOT different from evidence.

Cough up some evidence for your god - and be the first theist in history to do so - or stop pretending that us atheists are willfully ignoring your nonexistent "proof."

There is some theoretical evidence that could be shown to me that would make me question my heretical stance, and I'm genuinely open to you showing it to me now, if you insist it exists.

Can you theists say the same in reverse? - Josh

Sunday, 30 December 2012

2013..Thought For The Coming Year

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles roll
ed into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.The students laughed..

‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things—-your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions—-and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else—-the small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first—-the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’ The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.