Thursday, 4 August 2011

Credit Crunch Tips

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune
and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you
like and hum that instead.


DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity
stolen. Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old
bank statements.


HOMEOWNERS: Prevent burglars stealing everything in the house by simply
moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the
morning, simply move it all back again.


SAVE money on expensive personalised car number plates by simply changing
your name to match your existing plate. - Mr. KVL 741Y,


DON'T waste money buying expensive binoculars; simply stand closer to the
object you wish to view.


AN empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive
vibrator.


SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking
around wearing a miner's hat.


HOUSEWIVES, the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the
price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in
your coat pocket.


OLD telephone di rectories make ideal personal address books, simply cross
out the names and address of people you don't know.


SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning
you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of
washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.


SAVE a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam, they will
wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.


OLD people, if you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten
minutes without a coat, when you go back inside you will really feel the
benefit.


WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips
from the freezer and try piecing together potatoes.


MAKE your own inexpensive mints by leaving blobs of toothpaste to dry on a
window sill. Use striped toothpaste to make humbugs.


SHOPPERS, when buying oranges, get more for your money by peeling them
before taking them to the counter to be weighed.

No comments:

Post a Comment