By L Clarke (2011)
How not to make porridge:
1. Add out of date milk to the porridge without realising.
2. Overfill the bowl before you put it in the microwave.
3. Get it out as soon as its cooked, sloping the bowl of steaming hot porridge over your hand.
4. Dance around the kitchen going 'OW!', hanging onto the bowl and sloping more contents over the floor,
counter, your foot, and anything else you can find.
5. Put the bowl down on the counter. Stare in disbelief at the mess.
6. Belately react to the pain in your hand and shove it under the tap.
7. Clear up the mess ineffectively.
8. Try to eat what little is left of the porridge. Screw up face in disgust at the taste of the gone-off milk and spit it out again.
9. Give up and leave the kitchen, peeling your socks off the sticky floor with each step.
10. Feel hungry and return to the kitchen again to make some porridge for breakfast.
(Clarke, L., 2011)